For many of you who know me know that I suffer from pretty severe Anxiety. I don’t normally make that public news to people, but I have recently came to some realization with my anxiety that I wanted to share with all of you. I am not perfect nor will I ever be and I have quickly realized that these last few years. In this post, I want to share with you what its like to have anxiety as well as ways of making your head quiet down a little when you feel like you might be broken, because guess what you most certainly are NOT broken. Maybe just a little scarred, but who isn’t right?
Now many people associate anxiety with depression. I am by no means depressed, BUT when I have an anxiety attack the hours after and even the next day I do feel extremely depressed and sad. Keep in mind that some people do suffer from extreme depression but I personally do not. For me, I believe the depression comes from embarrassment. I get embarrassed because I don’t want people to see me any different if they knew that I had anxiety attacks. I don’t want people to think I am broken or that something is wrong with me, or that I am crazy weird and they don’t want to hang out with a wierdo. Now I know that most people don’t think of me like that, but in my head that’s what it is telling me.
At this point your probably wondering why I am sharing all of this with you. Well before moving to Florida I had this mind set that once I moved I wasn’t going to have anxiety attacks because I was going to have Mitchell and everything would be okay. I just assumed that Mitchell was going to heal me and I was never going to feel anxious ever again! I quickly realized that that certainly was NOT the case. I unfortunately feel anxiety everyday and it comes from different things everyday. Sometimes its caused by stress of something going on in my life or sometimes its just my brain constantly bringing me down for no reason. What I have learned through all of this is that no matter where I am or who I am with, my anxiety is a part of me and it is something that I need to understand fully and learn to control. With that being said I thought I would share some of the things I have learned and hope to give some advice to those who suffer from anxiety, as well as those you know someone that has anxiety.
The feeling that I get right before I have an attack is hard to explain. I get shaky and extremely impatient to the point where I snap on people most times. My hands and feet then start to get tingly and numb and I get very emotional. It is so important to know the warning signs of an anxiety attack because then you know that you need to find that balance to help calm you down. For those of you who have friends that have anxiety, always know that if your friend or loved one is about to have an anxiety attack to make them feel comfortable and to be sure not to freak them out more. You never want to say things like, “it’s okay just calm down” or “what are you freaking out about” because then they start questioning themselves and there brain gets even crazier than it was before you started asking those questions.
When I have an attack my first instinct is to find/call a friend to talk to me and help me calm down. I want someone who is going to try to take my mind off of the attack and what caused it. I want them to be calm and to act like nothing is happening and we are having a normal conversation. I have one friend in my life that I call every time I have an attack and she just knows what to say and how to act to get me to calm down. My friend has been an absolute saving grace for me and I don’t know how I would get through these attacks without her (you know who you are <3). I always feel bad when my attacks happen late at night because I don’t want to bother her, but what I have learned is that she will ALWAYS be there for me no matter the time of the day. For those of you that suffer from anxiety, find THAT person to help talk you through your attacks. Trust me you don’t have to be alone. I am sure there is someone out there for you all that will truly be that person for you. For those of you who don’t have anxiety but know someone who suffers from them, just be there for them. Be there support system at anytime or anywhere, because in the end thats all they need.
Lastly, I have developed this feeling where I didn’t want Mitchell to know that I was feeling anxious or that I had an anxiety attack. I didn’t want him to look at me differently or think that I was fragile, because believe it or not you are NOT fragile you are so much stronger than you think you are. After realizing that, I started letting him in more on when I was feeling anxious and he has really helped me try to find the source of where my anxiety was coming from. Sometimes you need to cut people and things out of your life to fully release all that worry and second guessing. For me, I am a major stressor. I stress about anything and everything and most times its me causing unnecessary stress on my self. I need to look back and really evaluate whats important and when I need to just say “I don’t need to worry about that” and “its not my problem to worry about that”. I honestly couldn’t have done that without him and I thank God everyday that I finally opened up to him about all of this.
Like I said before, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It has taken me some time to realize that but I promise there are people out there who understand exactly what you are going through and are willing and able to help you every step of the way! If you ever have any questions or just need someone to talk to about how your feeling, or if you just need a friend to help you through your feelings feel free to contact me. You can either get in touch with me through the Contact Page or you can email me at trwellov@gmail.com.
I know that this post is super long, but I really hope that this helps at least one person. It has taken me years to really understand my anxiety and I have had some amazing people really help me along the way. If I can help people with everything that I have learned from the people around me I feel like they can help people too and it would be a ripple affect. I think that would be really cool! So for now I will continue to keep working and learning about myself and helping others along the way. To continuously live life in progress!
